Winter Song

This is my winter song..
December never felt so wrong
Cause you're not where you belong
Inside my heart

Is love alive?..

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Last week I was pregnant.. or at least I thought I was. A life, a child was growing inside of me.. so I thought.

Our baby's heart stopped beating at 7 weeks and 3 days. Just days after we saw her for the first and only time.. heard her heart beat fast and strong. For weeks my body has deceived me, letting me believe I was nurturing our growing baby. But she was gone..

I've been wrestling with what to share on this blog and what to keep private.. I had a post all ready to share with you last Thursday about our excitement at being 13 weeks pregnant.. a third of my way to a child in my arms. It's all I've ever wanted. I was scheduled to see my doctor that afternoon and thought that would be a good and safe day to share our happy news..

I just feel so different now. Like I'm a different person altogether.. maybe I am.

I thought about taking a break from this blog and coming back in a few weeks with a mildly humorous story of our guest bathroom makeover or a recounting of my crazy New Year's Eve in Kansas City 4 or 5 years ago.. and maybe no one would be the wiser.. but I think of the 10 or so people that read this blog, most of you are my family and close friends, and you already know that I was pregnant last week. And this week I am not.


I started to bleed and cramp Tuesday night. We guessed it was nothing- normal even- but decided to check it out anyway. I was scared but sure all was fine..

Our worst fear was realized.. our baby's heart had stopped beating weeks ago.

And my heart broke.


I have been very blessed in my life- this is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever experienced. My husband has not been so lucky, which hurts me even more.. to be a part of more pain for him..


I had a D and C on Friday afternoon. I couldn't have any food or drink after midnight on Thursday, which meant no pain medication beforehand. Obviously I don't know what actual labor feels like, but I think I now have a good idea.. my body contracted every one or two minutes and I've never felt anything like it..

Now I just feel like I'm on a rollercoaster. Up and even.. and then crashing down. How do you explain to someone you love that you're just sad? That's all.. sad. And it's a sadness that has no respect for the other aspects of your life- your work, your responsibilities..


I'm not worried about becoming depressed- I know myself too well and see things as a whole too clearly to be completely overcome. But for now, I'm letting myself be swept away when the feelings come. I know it's hard on my husband- I wish it weren't. All he wants to do is comfort me.

Did you know I'm married to the best man in the world? I am.



I rest in the knowledge that our baby- fearfully and wonderfully made.. knit together in my womb- is in heaven with Jesus. What better place could she be?


Thank you to all who have and are continuing to pray for us.. I covet them right now.


The only thing I have ever known with certainty is that I was made to be a mother. It's the only thing I have ever longed for, without a moment of hesitation or thought...

And I know I will be. One day.

-Aja

o Lord, you have searched me

and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways..

.. Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there..

.. if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When i was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139

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i carry your heart with me (i carry it in

my heart) i am never without it (anywhere

i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

Holiday Festivities

So I thought I would do a post this season about all my fantabulous Christmas decorations, from the finely strung twinkle lights gracing the outside of our house.. to the gorgeously glam, self-chopped evergreen tree from our backyard, with it's individually place tinsel.. to my magazine-worthy fireplace mantel and winter wonderland themed dining room.

Yeeeahhhhhh.... Not. So. Much.

We finally got around to pulling out my skinny, little (fake) Christmas Tree from Target, along with the rest of our Christmas decorations last Saturday evening. I started out with great expectations for how the night would go.. I had the fireplace ablaze, my favorite Christmas movie was on (White Christmas), and I was happily wrapping presents while hubby attempted to assemble the tree.

Let me say here, that I could probably have whipped that baby together and had her up in a matter of minutes. With my eyes closed. I bought the tree sometime in college, so by my calculations, have put it up for at least the last 6 or 7 years. I could count ours as my longest relationship to date (Sorry babe).

But I was busy wrapping and hubs wanted to do it. So two hours later (kidding, kidding), the tree is up and we have successfully strung some multi-colored lights.

And this is where our little night of decorating takes an ugly turn. No, no, nothing untoward happened.. basically I pulled out all of the ornaments and laid them out across the coffee table, then proceeded to take a break and chow down on the yummy pizza hubby had brought home. The carb overload got the best of me, and the rest of the night's activities could really only fall under the category of me laying around getting "Fat & Sassy." Hubs eventually threw everything back into the box and squirreled it away in our 3rd bedroom with all the other needless junk we must never get rid of. For some reason, his tolerance level for half finished projects laying around the house is much, much lower than mine...

So here is what I have to share with you lovelies:

1. A dinky Christmas tree that, I think I've decided, will not have a single ornament hung from it's branches this year. I'm over it.

2. Some nicely wrapped gifts, with purple post-it notes on them for tags. Yes, yes, I will eventually put on real tags- I do have some standards!

And that's it. We do have lights up outside, and of course our stockings are hung, but beyond that... meh. I must say, I do feel a tad bit guilty about the lack of festiveness in our house this year, but we aren't having any guests or parties and I think our 10 kids will work it out down the line in group therapy.

HA!

HAhaaaaa!

We don't have 10 kids, and so, the only one who might actually be affected is this guy, and I think he looks pretty content.



How are your decorations coming along?? They can't be any worse than this!

Modern Family

Hi, long time no see! No, I haven't fallen off the edge of the earth... just been.. BUSY.

Work has been super busy, which is good. And frankly I'm not loving the whole time change, which yes, I know, happened over a month ago, but it's really cramped my style. I don't like my evenings being cut off by darkness before I even pull into the driveway. You would think I'd be used to it by now, but no, no I'm not. I also haven't quite wrapped my head around the fact that it's December already! I am seriously not prepared for the holiday decorating or Christmas shopping...

Anyhoo, I was compelled back to the realm of blogs this afternoon by my friend Katie. She is a dedicated blogger- not one to be swayed by the changing seasons or lost daylight- unlike moi. Yesterday she mentioned one of her new favorite shows, Modern Family, and I just had to keep the love going. Seriously people, if you have not seen this show, you are totally missing out.

Here are a few clips, for your viewing pleasure:










See what I mean!!??

And I promise to be a better blogger! Pinky swear!! :)

Oktoberfest

Hello friends!

October has been a very busy month around here, hence my absence from blogland. This is the first Saturday morning in weeks where I've been able to sleep in to my heart's content and have no major plans. I love it except my body went rogue on me and decided to wake up at 7:30am. Definitely NOT my idea of sleeping in. Sigh.

So here is a quick pictoral shake-down of what I've been up to:

I decided that I would not fall victim to the retails gods yet again, and decided I could craft my own fall wreath. I was happy enough with it to make one as a birthday gift for a friend! Don't ask me to do the cost breakdown to prove how much $$ I saved, because frankly, I'm a little afraid that the warehouse workers in China might just have bested me. I'd just rather not know.

Hubby got the FANTASTIC news of a great new job with an amazing company, so we went out for a little celebrating.

I don't mean to make it about me or anything, but I'm thinking I could seriously use a full time hairstylist! Sheesh.

We had a really fun girl's day for my very pregnant friend S, instead of a full-blown baby shower.

(It's her second baby and the etiquette police were breathing down our necks.)

This is the little Moses basket I gave her, stuffed with diapers, wipes, onsies and other cute little baby items. It was really fun to put together.

Here are my toes, post-pedicure. Much needed.

We visited a pumpkin patch, like all good Americans, and selected the best looking, high-dollar gourds we could find.

After a few pics, we promptly put them back and headed for Aldi, where I picked one up for $2.50!

Hubby started demo on the shower in our master bath... ugh, what to say about this. It still looks like this, after 2 1/2 weeks, how's that? I'm very thankful that he's been home to deal with the contractor, plumber, etc. All should be completed by next week and I can't wait!

I decided to get risky in the kitchen and attempted some stuffed peppers. The lesson here is to make sure you have all the ingredients called for before starting to cook. Also, making substitutions is best left to the professionals or at least those who cook more than once or twice a week.

Even this picture gives me away- the focus is on the store bought cheesy bread rather than the main course!

To hubby's credit, he ate one and a half of these baby's and said they were great.

Above mentioned friend S had the baby!! A healthy and perfect little boy. We were very excited to meet him.

My concern here is that she has now used 2 names on our favorites list... Grrr. :)

However, she had no idea at the time, since I never tell the baby names I like and her kids are just stinkin adorable so it's hard to be mad. Plus, she's one of my best friends in the world!

Is dibs-ing even allowed with baby names???

We went to a U2 concert! It was awesome. A little chilly but lots of fun.

The Black Eyed Peas opened for them and put on a great performance- very high energy.

My camera battery died, so I have no pictures of U2!!

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Okay! I think you're up-to-date!! I've also been working on a few projects here and there, but nothing completed to show you today.

Have a great weekend!!

Sunday Drive

This weekend we attended the wedding of some friends. Hubby went to college with the groom and was a groomsman, which meant I got to see him all dressed up and more handsome than usual, if that's possible. Wink, wink.

The wedding was a state away.. only a 3 hour drive or so, but boy was the ride fun! Our destination was nestled in the Ozark Mountains and it took me right back to childhood and all of our trips to Grandma and Grandpa's house on Table Rock Lake.

The three of us kids would pile into the back seat, making sure not to "cross the line" into someone else's personal space. Sitting in the middle was typically for losers and the unlucky, but as soon as we reached the Ozarks, it was the coveted spot.

Those curves and dips were better than a roller coaster and Dad knew just how to speed up at the right times. I was the only kid who never got car or motion sick, so this was perfect. I just loved looking out at all the gorgeous green trees and lush, covered hills.. I remember letting my eyes glaze over sometimes while staring out the window and seeing all the colors melt together, then switching to try and really focus in on the tree trunks and details, just sure I would see a deer or some wild cat hiding back there.

It was especially beautiful if it happened to be fall while we were traveling and all of the leaves were turning or already deep red and orange. If there was one thing I could change about where we live now, it would be that spring and fall lasted just a little longer.. especially fall. It's definitely my favorite season.

I loved snuggling down into my seat, leaning against the window and reading for hours. When I wasn't reading I was staring out the window, daydreaming. Some of my first memories of really just letting my mind wander and daydream were here.

I loved it.


After a few misturns and lots of gorgeous scenery, we made it to the hotel. It was an old, reportedly haunted place that I found a bit more on the creepy side than charming. Particularly the strange old lady with the black wig, who cornered us in the lobby and wanted to have a full out conversation about the owners of the hotel and their dead cat. She also made an unforgettable appearance during the couple's first dance, but I won't get into that right now..

The hotel sat very high up and did have some beautiful views.

It rained the whole day, but they didn't let that ruin their wedding. Luckily the bride is pretty easy-going and the planned outdoor ceremony was moved inside. It was small and quick and perfect. Just like our little trip.

(I cropped the creepy lady out of this pic!)

Multitasking

Do you multitask? I do... nearly to a fault, I'm starting to realize. I think all women do, and much more than men, in my experience. I'm sure I've read somewhere that women tend to multitask a lot, whereas men like to focus in on one thing.

You know, tunnel vision.

Not that I'm bagging on men- it is important to pay attention to what you are doing, but for me, I just feel better if I'm getting more than one thing done at a time. Does anyone else feel that way? The thought occurred to me this morning as I was brushing my teeth and doing my morning squats in front of the bathroom mirror...

But that's what leads me to my next point: focus. I have never really considered myself a clumsy person. In fact, I consider myself as graceful as a ballerina (harhar). No really, I have a "clumsy" friend or two and never thought I fell into that category. But in the course of getting ready this morning I dropped a can of hairspray, banged my shin on a cabinet drawer and knocked over a jar of Q-tips.

And that's not all that unusual for me.

Most of my life I've had a least one or two unaccounted for bruises on my extremities. I'm slowly realizing they're self-inflicted. I'm just too darn busy gettin 'er done to pay attention to the counter height or or that pesky leg of the table to move my body out of its path.

My husband will just stand there in the bathroom, brushing his teeth. Or get a text message and stop what he's doing and tap out a response. Or simply sit on the sofa, watching football.

And all in all, he is bruise free.

But I can't handle it. I've got to be making dinner while simultaneously cutting out coupons or paying some bills. If I'm watching tv I like to have a project to work on while I watch. If I'm catching up on emails, I open another tab and cruise craigslist while I'm waiting for the email page to load.

So is it better to focus in on the one thing you are doing or get a tons more done in less time?..

Obviously if you are driving, you should only be focused on that. I've had to drastically cut back on my mascara application and texting while I'm behind the wheel, and for good reason.

But seeing how those morning squats I get in while brushing my teeth are about the only regular exercise I do these days, I'm thinking I should keep it up.

Cause I've also been known to do double duty with just about anything while simultaneously stuffing my face.

Camelback Comeback

When Hubby and I first bought our house, nearly a year ago, I knew I needed some extra furniture to fill it up. This sounds like great fun in theory, but our "Superfluous Furniture/Home Decor" expense fund had mysteriously run dry.

I've yet to get to the bottom of it.

So I turned to Craigslist, my new bestie. We had an entire extra living space to furnish, and we found this old gal for a reasonable price.

(these were the only pics I could find of the old couch)

I liked the shape of it and we both liked the color (at the time), so with a quick sniff and a once-over, we hauled it to our new, empty home.

Fast forward a few months and I'm not so thrilled with my purchase. Oh, I like the couch okay, but our dog, who is NOT allowed on any other furniture, has seen fit to curl up for an afternoon nap on numerous occasions. His tiny white hairs are a dead giveaway. Stinker. I really didn't mind so much, since we hardly ever use this room and have only sat on the couch a handful of times.

Also, I've since decided that buying a second-hand, upholstered piece of furniture this large is walking a little too close to the edge for me.

We briefly discussed getting a new one, but didn't want to spend the money. And besides, Mrs. DIY (moi) was pretty sure she could make a slipcover or reupholster it herself!

Sounds easy enough, right?

RIGHT.

So here she is! Sadly, I have no in-progress photos to share. I wasn't entirely sure I wouldn't scrap the whole thing mid-way through, and I didn't want any physical evidence.

What do you think? Totally different, right??

You guessed it- I stapled and hand sewed that baby right on top of the old upholstery.

The fabric I chose is probably a mid-weight cotton, so the stiffness of the old chenille underneath helped give it good structure.

I like to wing it. I'm wild like that.

The arms here probably took the most time. I sewed them on BY HAND, people, BY HAND. Not gonna lie- I'm pretty proud of myself. I even put a little piping in the cushions! I thought it would be a nightmare, but it wasn't too bad.

Then I made these babies for a little something extra.

In case you're wondering (and I know you are), I made myself a pattern before I got started to know how much yardage to buy. I found this tip on some upholstery website and HIGHLY recommend this step if you're planning to try this. Basically you measure each piece of the couch and make a pattern to scale on a piece of grid paper, then cut them all out and lay them out in 54" width, to see how many yards you need. Make sense? :) It took me all day just for this step, but I would have seriously underestimated how much fabric I needed otherwise.

Hope you like it! Come over some time and have a seat!

Got Wood?

Sorry for the wildly inappropriate title. Please don't take offense and add my site to your list of banned internet pages.

I just couldn't help myself.

Hubby and I went dumpster diving the other day. We were on our way home and I saw a section of fence in a trash pile by the curb and yelled "back 'er up!"

Or something like that.


So we hopped out and with a quick look around to make sure no one was watching (we're fairly infamous in the neighborhood), we loaded it up and headed for home.


I have had a project idea in mind for some time now and wanted to use some reclaimed wood. And this was perfect in that it was cheapo-deapo.
You know, FREE.

Here she is all cut down to size.

We had to take it to a friends house to cut down and now a power saw of some type is squarely at the top of my Christmas list.

I haven't decided exactly what I'm going to do, but here's one of my inspiration pics:

Loving this Pottery Barn piece. Except for the horse, that is.
I'm digging the distressed wood and the peek-a-boo wood knots, but equine isn't really my thing. Hubby and I toyed with the idea of doing an outline of our dog... :)


I also like this PB piece that Susie at Bienvenue totally copied, which I am all about! I don't know about you, but $329 is just a little rich for my blood. Sister's gotta eat.

Check out Susie's version here. Just as cool if not better!

I am also in serious lust with these guys:

They're from Rockett St George across the pond. I like the idea of a saying or quote or scipture written out graphically like this. I toyed with the idea of using these lyrics, but I just can't get around the whole Beatles thing.
My dad might never forgive me. Let alone my own husband.


So what do you think?? Any ideas for me? I'm thinking about tackling it this weekend, so maybe I'll have some thing to show you next week.

No promises, though, a girl's gotta keep her options open.

Day of Labor

Happy Tuesday to you.  Here I am, a day late and a dollar short for an actual Labor Day post, but seeing as we actually labored, I'm assuming you'll give me a pass.  Plus I basically collapsed on the couch for the remainder of the night and even typing seemed too taxing at that point.

My husband and his mom (and me, by default, hehe) own some land southeast of town.  His dad used to run a sod farm there.  Hopefully we can get it up and running again someday soon.

Hubby is now in the process of installing a fence along the property line.  

You know, to keep the riffraff out.

It's a lot of hard work, so yesterday I thought I'd earn my keep by helping install a couple of corner posts.

Steady, steady...  

Clearly I brought some much-needed muscle to the table.

My major contribution was hauling a five gallon bucket of water about the length of a football field.  I grunted and heaved the whole way (water is heavy, people!) and slopped that bucket down, waiting for some praise at my hard work.  Instead I got a variation of "bless her heart" and "what the H is she doing" looks.  

Apparently we didn't need any more water.

But to their credit they dumped out what they had and used the water I had schlepped over.

I've since decided that fence building is NOT my calling.  I don't think it's his, either, but for some reason he didn't see the need to mention that nearly as much as I did... 

Sunshine for the Ears

Have you seen the movie Little Miss Sunshine?





















Great movie. I highly recommend it. For those of you over 18, that is.

I saw it with my family over Christmas when it came out a few years back and the whole row of us were laughing out loud. Had the theater offered milk it would have been shooting out our noses onto the unfortunate patrons seated in front of us.

Anyway, if you've seen it, then surely you remember the scene when they're almost to the pageant and Greg Kinnear honks on the VW's horn and it keeps making that hilarious honking noise foreeeeveeeerrr.

HI-larious.

Well, here at work, my office is near the side entrance to our building, where all the employees come in and out to the parking lot. We're downtown, so there is a lot going on outside that door. Last week I heard a very distinct sound coming from somewhere nearby... it sounded EXACTLY like the van's horn from Little Miss Sunshine!

And it hasn't stopped since.

Apparently it's this sign manufacturer across the street. I have asked numerous people around here if, number one, they hear the noise. Nope. No one has noticed it until I point it out. And number two, have you see the movie, do you recognize the sound??? NOPE. Not one of these so-called media people has seen this flick!! For shame! Then I'm left trying to explain the whole movie and scene while simultaneously trying to replicate the high-pitched, nasal-y sound of the horn. SIGH.

I feel kind of like I think a dog must feel when they blow those special dog whistles.. That pesky noise is never-ending and invading my thoughts! Ugh.

So I've been scouring the internet, trying to find a clip of the movie with this scene in it, to no avail. I need someone to feel me on this one! I can't take any more of these dumbfounded looks when I bring up the movie.

Sorry folks.

Here's the best I could do- the trailer, for your enjoyment. You can hear the horn at about the 1:15 mark.

Sitting Pretty

I don't know about you, but I always have at least two or three projects in the works at any give time. Mind you, any or all of them could still be rolling around in my head, but they're there none the less, waiting to be introduced to the world.

So now, without further ado, I present my most recent (completed) project:

I found this little gem on craigslist a few weeks ago. I had been on the lookout for a chair or two that I could repaint or stain and reupholster. This baby fit the bill perfectly. I loved the lines of the chair and thought that the upholstery didn't look too complicated for me to tackle. Plus, I really wanted to whip out my nail head trim kit one more time!

So hubby and I went to pick it up. I knew right away that hubby wasn't feeling my chair love when he pulled me aside and whispered "Do you like it?"

Translation: "Uhh.. we drove across town to possibly pay money for this old piece of crap? Surely this isn't the same item you saw on craigslist. Just give me the signal and we're outta here."

My response? "Yup!! Load 'er up!"

I did try to offer the girl less money for the chair but she stuck to her guns and I ended up paying the full $30 asking price. If there's one thing I hate it's haggling. It wears me out and really, I didn't think 30 bucks was too bad.

So home we went for a makeover.

I started by unscrewing the seat from the frame of the chair and ripping off the old fabric.

Holy crap, there were about a million staples in this thing! It was a very well made chair, to say the least.

Looks like it was made in 1980. I'm a product of the 80's myself.

Way to go 80's. You've put out some great stuff, if I do say so myself.

Apparently I was in such a groove working on recovering the seat that I failed to capture the moment in pictures. Sorry! You'll just have to take my word for it.

After the seat, I moved on to removing the fabric from the seat back. This baby has upholstery on the front and back sides of the chair and my fingers were feeling it!

After all the old fabric was removed, I sanded and stained the wood. I used a mahogany stain that I already had lying around. I liked the color it was just fine, but I wanted to freshen it up a bit. Again, no pics of this step!

After the stain dried, I started in on the seat back. Since I chose a fabric with stripes, I had to make sure they matched up to the lines on the seat. It just wouldn't do otherwise.

Decor police are hardcore.

I used my fancy shmancy nail head trim kit to tack down the fabric.

This wasn't as easy as I had hoped, but after a few small outbursts and about 10 mangled nails, I finished the job. And I have to say, I'm very happy with the result!

What do you think??

Go check out some other cool projects at A Soft Place to Land & Thrifty Decor Chick's Before and After Party!