resolute

I really wasn't planning on making any resolutions this year. Mine are always the same (workout on the regular, eat better, read my bible more, etc) and always wane off after a few weeks of gung-ho excitement. It just feels kind of pointless to me. Because truthfully? Last year sucked. It was one of the roughest of my life. And I was more than happy to wrap it up and kick it to the curb. Sayonara 2012.  Good riddance.

My heart longs for only one thing this year. A baby. And resolving to have a child in the upcoming year isn't exactly your typical new year's resolution. I mean, it's not exactly up to me. Not even a little bit. So making a bulleted list to do x y & z to reach that goal is pointless.

But if there's one thing I don't want to do, it's let this longing swallow me up. It would be so easy to let the pain of our losses and each month of disappointment pull me under. Especially in these dreary winter months. I can see how it happens to so many... how depression and sadness can creep in when you're not looking. Which is why I want to keep my eyes open during this season. This unexplainable, lonesome season that we're walking through. I don't want to get so bogged down in sadness or disappointment that I miss all the wonder of life going on around me. I don't want to waste one precious day with my girl because I just couldn't see past my underlying grief.

So I won't. I will enjoy 2013. I am going into this year with hope and anticipation and I can't wait to see what it brings.

And I have decided on a resolution... I want to more sensitive and thoughtful to my family and friends. To get out of my own mind and world and spend more time building and growing those relationships.

I want to be a better daughter. A better step-daughter, a better daughter-in-law. I want to be the best kind of friend and sister.* I want to be a friendly neighbor and take the time to really see those around me. Who they are, what they're going through and how I might bless them. I want to get out of myself. I want my focus to be on others this year... not simply on myself.

So many times I think- so and so would love this, or I should send this person a card to tell them I was thinking of them or just stop by and leave a little note on this person's door to surprise and bless them. And then I don't do it. I really want to make it a point to do those things when they cross my mind. To show those around me that they are on my heart. Plus it sounds like fun!

*And of course I want to be a better wife and mother, but I'm leaving those off my list because, frankly, those are things I already think about and try to do each day already. :)

So any big resolutions for you this year?