I've been thinking a lot about this lately.. about exactly what my priorities are and what they should be. The word "busy" has also been at the forefront of my mind. And after coming across a number of blog posts about these very topics and touching on the subject in my bible study lately, I can't help but think that God is trying to get my attention. So here I am, trying to listen.
It's been a while since I've felt He's tried to get me to pay attention to something specific. Not that He isn't always trying- more that I'm actually catching on this time. I'm praying that I really learn and take hold of what exactly He's trying to impress upon me right now.
So here are my jumbled thoughts on all of this. Hopefully by writing some things out, I will be able to clarify a little and someone else can benefit along the way..
"We've been so busy!"
"Oh, just busy with xyz"
Busy seems to have become the expected, normal response these days when someone asks how you're doing or what you've been up to. Me? Totally guilty. If I think back, the standard "oh, fine" is no longer my answer. It's usually "oh, just keeping busy!" Busy with what? Aren't we all busy?
When I really sit back and think about it, my busy consists simply of my everyday life. Yes, there have been times in the past few months when I've had extra commitments or projects to complete or deadlines I was working against. In those cases, busy might have actually been appropriate. But every day? Not so much. It seems to be more of a cloak of supposed importance. Like I have to make sure people know that I am just going, going, going every second of the day, hardly stopping for a rest. And is that true? No, it's not. Frankly, as a stay-at-home-mom, I have a lot of down time. Oh, sure, there are always things that I could be doing, like cleaning the bathrooms or another load of laundry or actually putting on make up and fixing my hair or completing a project for our booth. But usually in the late afternoon, I want to sit on the couch with my girl and watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Because to me, just sitting there, watching the joy on her face, holding her hand and snuggling her tight is much more important (and more appealing) than scrubbing the toilet.
I guess my point is, busy has just become an excuse. At least for me. And when we offer it as our answer when someone asks what we've been up to or how we are, it's like a little wall we put up, rather than sharing how we're really doing. Do I need to tell the usher at church that I've been super emotional this week, when they ask? No. And the acquaintance I run into at the grocery store doesn't need to know about the argument I just had with my husband/best friend/sister/whomever. But when someone close to me asks, and really wants to know... well, what's the point in responding with, "ugh, I've been SO busy" when that shares nothing at all?
I also need to work on not carrying busy around with me all the time. And this is where my skewed priorities come in. I am realizing more and more that I just take on too much. I have not been intentional with my time. And that just causes me to be irritable and scattered. Not what I'm going for. When I start three different projects at a time and throw a load of laundry in and stop to play with Evie and start dinner and check my work email- all in a 30 minute span- my attention is not really on any of these tasks. I like to think I'm a great multi-tasker (all moms seem to be!), but when you aren't giving your full attention to something, how can it be completed well? It can't, really. And for the laundry or heck, even dinner, that's okay with me. But my job should get my full attention. When my husband comes home from work, he should get my full attention. And I don't for a minute want Evie to think that sitting in front of my computer is more important than she is to me.
So I've been trying to slow down a bit, really think before I start something new. My days could seem mundane, but I truly love them here at home with my girl. I wouldn't trade it for anything. And I don't want this time with her to just.. pass. I want us to enjoy it, take full advantage of it. Which requires me taking an honest look at all that I have on my plate, and perhaps cutting a few things out. Or at least scaling them back. Because I want to really focus, really enjoy what I do have going on right now. I haven't pinpointed exactly what will be scaled back, but I'm thinking and praying about it a lot.
If you want to read more, here are a few great reads: