Duke the Dingleberry

Do you see this guy??

Oh sure, he looks innocent enough. But don't let him fool you. He's a rascal.

He's of the terrier variety (Fox or Rat Terrier.. we don't really know. We're too cheap to spring for the Doggie DNA test), which means he has a lot of um.. SPUNK to him. He likes to get places in a hurry. And by places, I mean one area rug to the next. He'll seriously do a full speed sprint through the living room and then literally do a flying leap onto the dining room rug 10 feet away. It's just the way he likes to travel. Everything is exciting, a big event, a celebration, worth a good butt wiggle, etc. Especially when mom and dad get home. Namely dad.

Anyway, on Sunday morning, we decided to play hooky from church so that this pregnant lady could try and tackle a few of her 1,674 pre-baby projects and actually cross a few off the list (Mission: Sort of Accomplished). Well this was big news for Duke. You mean mom and dad are staying home??? A family day??? SA-WEEEET!!

So what does my darling dog do? Well, he heads to the backyard for his morning fence perimeter check and sniff-out, then he um, takes care of some business. We can always tell when his bathroom experience has been ohhh, successful, because he comes tearing through the doggie door and bounds across the house like he's got a new lease on life.
He's literally lightened his load.

So we hear him barreling in and do a quick turn when he realizes our bedroom door has shut and we're inside changing the sheets. I can hear him race into the nursery, step-ball-change and race back out. Sheesh.

A few minutes later I head into the baby's room to get to work on the crib skirt and nearly pass out. There are faint paw prints across the carpet (we only have carpet in the bedrooms) and HORROR OF HORRORS, a tiny little dingleberry on my SWEET PRECIOUS BABY GIRL'S FLOOR!

OMG.

Are you kidding me?? Is it really so exciting that we're staying at home that you can't finish up your "business" before coming inside to see us??

Thankfully hubby breaks out the Resolve and papertowels while I give Duke a piece of my mind. Nevermind that the nursery is still where he sleeps at night- he's lost his daytime privileges in this room!

Fast forward to this morning, getting ready for work. I'm standing at my dresser, intent on selecting the perfect pair of socks to wear on the first official day of boot season, when I hear that rascal of a dog tear through the house and into our room behind me. Then hubby comes out of the bathroom and lets out a roar that he's done it again!!

Another dingleberry!!

What the heck is going on here?? This has never happened before these two incidents!

I head to the kitchen to see that Duke has not gone back outside as commanded, but is sitting on my beautiful rug, in the crouching tiger pooping dog position, and there is a full sized dog turd next to him!!!

AAAAGGGGHGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I scream and he's out the doggie door like a bat out of hell. Hubs comes running in as I take a step closer and realize that it is not, in fact, a dog log, but rather the remnants of his (dead) fox toy, who happens to have brown paws that look surprisingly like feces in the morning light.

Le sigh.

This is just too much for one pregnant gal to handle.